By Rebecca Haden, NSSEA Dealer Member
There is a Web site where you can answer a few questions and be given the date of your death. I went and had mine calculated. It assured that I would perish in July in the 95th year of my life.
Ninety-five seems old enough to me, so I wasn’t alarmed by that. But my first thought when I saw the month of July was of course – back to school. My second thought was an entire scenario…
July in a school supply store is “all hands to the pump,” so I figure being 95 will not excuse me from being out on the floor peddling bulletin board sets. I see myself as a sprightly 95. I think it’ll be around 3 pm in the afternoon when my end will come. I’ll be showing a plan book to some teacher, and she’ll stomp her foot at me, rejecting it as she had the previous 23 that I’ve shown her. The reason for her objection: she prefers blue lines to green ones.
I’ll give her a sweet, understanding (and slightly artificial) smile, and keel over dead at her feet.
I am of course sorry for the shock she’ll doubtless experience, and I hope some people will be sorry that I am dead, but my last moments will be sweetened by the knowledge that she will never do that again.
In fact, considering how well news travels in the educational community, I figure no one will ever do that again.
It will be my last service to humanity.
If you are a dealer of school supplies, you know exactly what I mean.
We love our teachers. We admire them. We’re grateful to them, and we know that the reason our jobs are the best jobs in retail is that they are our customers. Heck, I used to be a teacher myself.
But back to school is a bit rough, isn’t it? While in May and June, the store fully stocked with all the newest goodies for the classroom. Our math manipulative areas were delightful multicolored grottos, our borders hung like a lovely garden of flowering vines, and every aisle held charming vistas.
We saw some teachers then. They’d come in a few at a time, tanned and smiling, and they’d see things they liked and tell their friends that they would just have to get some of those for back to school. We chatted with them happily and turned back to parents wanting flash cards.
In July and August, those Dr. Jekyll are still on vacation and we see the Mr. Hyde. Here’s one who wants a bulletin board set for the Korean War. Upon hearing that no such thing is made, he says, “I’m not happy. I’m not happy! I’M NOT HAPPY!” at a steadily rising pitch. There’s one who wants us to remember everything her friend bought so that she can buy the same thing, since they’ve agreed to match. Several need us to come around with them and help them decide among the 14 different frog cutouts as they hold them up to their favorite gingham border, and are deeply offended when we leave them briefly to check other customers out.
It’s not their fault. They are under enormous stress. One very perceptively said, “When you’re under a lot of stress over things you can’t control, you sometimes end up obsessing over really unimportant things you can control.” I was holding five different Christmas die cuts for her at the time so she could choose among them, and I was able to give her a completely sincere sweet and understanding smile.
So we have a joke about wearing T-shirts that say, “We’ve Been Here All Summer.” We joke about keeping a bottle of rum in the back room. We don’t joke about keeping chocolate under the counter – we really do. When someone has to tear up her check three times before she can get her name spelled right, or can’t stop talking about how they’ve waxed her floor and she can’t get in, or has a meltdown over her inability to match punch-out letters to the fabric she brought in with her – well, chocolate can sometimes help.
It may be that the Internet will end this annual ordeal. Teachers will go to our online stores while sipping lemonade on their decks and place their orders calmly and cheerfully all year ‘round. We’ll have normal days off instead of waiting till October to recuperate. We’ll tell our grandchildren about the long-ago days when the entire month of August went by without a home-cooked meal.
Until then, all I can say is this: Courage! We’re all in this together!
Rebecca Haden, A+ Educational Supply, Harrison, AR, http://www.apluseducational.com.
What a riot! All true, all true! We even have names for the days of the week – Moron Monday, Weirdo Wednesday, etc. Thanks for a great laugh so early in the morning. Yes early, because there is no time while you are in the store to read e-mail – especially at back to school time!